Companion Romance Advice with Khem Val - Volume 2

Dear Khem Val: I’m a lonely female bounty hunter plying her trade through the galaxy and I’ve run into a problem. On Tatooine, I fell in love with my bounty and was unable to terminate him. Gault (not his real name) conned me out of my heart with his sly schemes and adorable one-horned looks.

The problem is that he wishes to continue his cons throughout the galaxy and I’m afraid that he’ll be recognized. If that happens, my deception will be exposed and we may find ourselves on the wrong side of a bounty. What am I to do?

- Bounty Lover

Khem Val: Horns can be difficult to digest, so you will want to remove it before attempting to consume him.

Dear Khem Val: I feel like I’m the only one putting any effort into this relationship. I toil on the ship cleaning injectors, dreaming up new meal plans, even re-painting every cycle, only to get the cold shoulder every time he comes home. I understand you’re excited about your newfound ability to sprint, but can you not slow down once in a while and appreciate all that I do for you?

My praises for him are endless… would it be such a trouble to ask for one in return? But maybe he’s just “too cool” for that sort of thing. Conquer a few planets and now he has a head the size of one. 

And don’t get me started on these transients he seems to pick up at every star-port we stop at. It was bad enough having to clean Rakghoul plague out of one pair of boots… now six?!

I’m afraid to bring any of this up to master as he has a bit of a temper, and the escape pod hasn’t worked in cycles. What’s a droid to do?

- Not 2VR8

Khem Val: Cleaning Rakghoul plague out of boots is a small price to pay when your master brings you home a fresh meal. The transients are clearly intended to be eaten, and I can think of no higher praise than to receive such a gift.

Dear Khem Val: I’m afraid that my love life is affecting my job performance. I’m a famous bounty hunter known for cold-hearted pursuit of anyone or anything. However, I’ve fallen head over heads in love with my assistant, Mako. She shines brighter than the twin suns of Tatoine and I’ll do anything for her.

The problem is that Mako is incredibly kind hearted and not ruthless at all. I have begun to turn down contracts that I know she wouldn’t approve of which has begun to affect my reputation. Once a bounty hunter goes soft, that usually means the end of any meaningful career. What should I do?

- Troubled on Taris

Khem Val: You are not the first bounty hunter to fall for this Mako, so perhaps she is not as puny and insignificant as I once believed. Devour her where she stands before she claims you as her next bounty.

About the Author

In his free time, self-proclaimed romance expert Khem Val enjoys devouring those foolish enough to get in his way as he travels across the galaxy. He currently resides on a Fury-class ship where he's working his next cookbook,  "Be My Valentine (Dinner)".